Because of complications stemming from Memorial Day’s Parliament of Cockfights that you will learn of soon enough, I haven’t had much time to Weblog in the past few days.

That means it’s roundup time, God-less lessers.

You won’t have John Tyson Jr. to kick around anymore. Because he will prosecute you if you do.
Mobile County District Attorney John Tyson Jr. says he won’t run for Attorney General again in 2010. He lost to current sex-obsessed, insecure AG Troy King in 2006.

There is no word yet as to whether Tyson will travel around the State when King is eventually indicted by the feds to personally rub voters noses in it.

Not quite so retarded.
The State’s mental health department dropped “Mental Retardation” from its name this week.

That leaves the Alabama Department of Environmental Management and No Fucking Retards as the only agency still containing some form of the phrase in its title.

I missed something.
Roy Moore, believe it or not, said something that struck me as odd at his gubernatorial campaign announcement yesterday:

As governor I will continue to oppose the devastating effects of gambling in our schools, in our homes and in our communities.

Wait, what?

Do they have slot machines in public high schools now? Card games in place of math class?

Don’t tell me this is another reason I have to regret getting my GED at, like, 12…

OMG! The Kings of Pork love pork!
U.S. Senators Richard Shelby and Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III have each requested $400 million apiece in federal earmarks.

Look, that goddamned Shelby statue in Tuscaloosa isn’t building itself…

No. Not quite.
The Gays (TM) marched in Selma, California, in support of gay marriage and to pay “symbolic respect” to Civil Rights Era marches in our Selma.

Look, unlike some black Civil Rights Era leaders — who are or were involved with the church and thus (shockingly, I know) aren’t fond of homosexuality — I think you could say this is the modern Civil Rights Movement.

But until you’ve got your ass mauled to hell and back by vicious dogs and firehosed (no dick joke intended, for once) a few times, it’s a little silly to say you’re paying respect to what happened in Selma.

…

Unless you’re talking about the time I got laid there.

…

That was awesome.

Albertville approves English as its official language.
Finally, a government that is refreshingly unafraid to keep its “mental retardation” around.