Don't cry yet, Big Al. Your face would likely mildew if it gets really wet.
Readers learned last week that revered/despised/fantasized Birmingham News Alabama reporter Ian Rapoport* would be departing to cover the New England Patriots for a Beantown newspaper.
How are fans, players, coaches, and others around the SEC reacting?
- Alabama Head Coach/Overlord Nick Saban is trying out new “favorite” beat reporters by punching local press in the face “to see who takes it like a man.” Doug Segrest is next.
- Adding needless ellipses and exclamation points to their daily conversations to make up for the loss, such as “I’m going to lunch … and other stuff!” and “I think we should stop being married … and other stuff!” and “I sell my body for crack … and other stuff!”
- Louisiana State University Head Coach Les Miles has decided to tone down his plans to subpoena a live elephant into a shirtless, oiled wrestling match at SEC Media Days in “Hoover.”
- Making jokes about doing it with Ian’s new wife.
- By BAMMER SUKIN BALLS, BAMMER! UR COCH IS GOIN TO BE PROSEXCUTED BY THE NACA! BAMMER! WERE GONNA CHIZ ON U! MOOO!
- Correctly punctuating their sentences.
- Attempting to call into Paul Finebaum’s radio show to read their manifesto explaining how all of Mike Shula’s wins should be vacated because he was a “secret gay.”
- Solemnly cutting their bangs.
- Writing disturbing love letter to Eli Gold.
- 36-0.
- Sipping a Natty Light while finding new things to fry on the quadrangle before and after Alabama football games this fall.
- Remaining apathetic about all sports not beginning with “foot” and ending with “ball.”
- Harassing Gentry Estes.
- Drinking Jack Daniels in their truck as they drive down the causeway in Mobile.
- Complaining about the quality of Rapoport’s work, writing, and “bias” even though they checked his Weblog 350 times a day.
*Also acceptable on message boards: “Rappopoport,” “Rappappapapapaport,” and “That lyin’ asshole from New York City!” As in, “Ian That lyin’ asshole from New York City! wrote something I disliked on the al.com…”
0 Responses to “And other stuff.”