Guest post by Terry Tangforde
A Birmingham political expert who is not criminally convicted former Mayor Larry Langford in a sombrero
"Let's do something -- Mexican!"
There are a lot of candidates who are runnin’ for mayor! I didn’t think there needed to be much of a change, but then again, I’m not the one that the federal government treated like Birmingham Mayor Black Jeffrey Dahmer Hitler. Because I’m not Larry Langford.
But there’s a lot of candidates who could be runnin’. There’s Carole Smitherman, who has no vision. I think she might be blind! I once waved a spending–I mean, a Twinkie in front of her and she didn’t immediately pass that Twinkie! No one can resist the Twinkie! Twinkies are always delicious and important for Birmingham’s future! Even when they cost $14 million annually!
And then there’s Patrick Cooper, who needs to mind his own business! It don’t matter where a man watches his NFL Sunday Ticket or sleeps each night or has established residence if he has the experience and vision to be mayor of a great city! Not that I have any experience with anything like that. My possibly Mexican parents probably did. I think! My childhood is rocky and unclear and makes me long for nice clothes!
And Richard Arrington’s dead!
But the people of Birmingham need to think nicer and bolder and bigger to in their choice for fake-mayor-who-shouldn’t-be-put-in-charge-because-the-old-one-wasn’t-that-bad-and-is-praying-and-crying-about-going-to-jail-pretty-much-every-other-minute-now! They need a leader who’s gonna watch over them, be silent and imposin’, and light their way in their darkest night!
City needs to elect Vulcan!
"LEADERSHIP THAT DON'T WEAR PANTS!"
Now I know you might say, “Vulcan can’t be no mayor! Vulcan’s a statue!”
But that didn’t stop the people of Birmingham from being misled into electing Bernard Kincaid as long as they did.
(Bernard Kincaid is actually a golem. Put some Hebrew letters in his mouth and he’ll do whatever you want! Except govern!)
And some folks might think that Vulcan lives in Homewood, but it don’t matter where Vulcan lives if he wants to be Mayor as long as he finds a place to put his stuff in time. But he’s gotta watch his NFL Sunday Ticket back home! It’s hard to get it set up at a loft apartment!
But even if it won’t so much govern as be a really good idea that might prompt direction (He holds a lamp! Direction by a lamp!), he would be a better choice than any the rest of these vision-less chumps tryin’ win my–I mean, Mayor Larry’s job that he might not should have lost.
The only problem is that Vulcan is damn near naked! No wants a naked mayor!
Maybe someone should buy him nice clothes! I understand that a Mayor of Birmingham might like nice clothes! Perhaps a wealthy businessman who can keep his fool mouth shut could chip in!
Elect Vulcan, Birmingham! He’s the right choice!
NOW LET’S DO–I mean, LET’S HAVE ACTIVITY!
Terry Tangforde is a renown Birmingham-area political expert and former mayor of Fairfield who is not criminally convicted, forcibly removed former Mayor Larry Langford in an oversized sombrero. He lives in his home that may be in Fairfield or Birmingham, dependent on whether or not he wants to watch a Chargers game this week, and is coincidentally preparing for a sentence to a federal prison.
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