It’s hard to tell sometimes if Alabama’s politicians are really that stupid — well… okay, they are.
But you know who’s usually stupider? The people who make the candidates’ election year ads.
Today, we take a look at some ads being ran by Alabama House Majority Leader Ken Guin’s re-election campaign…
WARNING TO RESIDENTS OF WEST ALABAMA:
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TOUCH KEN GUIN’S HEAD. YOU WILL BE EATEN.
Guin, as you may remember, was eaten by a crocodile who found its way into the Statehouse during the 2009 floods and then took over Guin’s seat under the rarely used “You eat ‘em, you get to be ‘em” amendment of Alabama’s 1901 Constitution. This amendment was most famously used by a large Kodiak bear that ate Governor “Big” Jim Folsom in 1948 on his way to forging one of Alabama’s most lasting political legacies — and not just based on the significant number of legislators and campers he mauled during his terms as Governor.
The crocodile’s assumption of Guin’s identity has been most evidenced by the new Guin’s tendency to sun frequently, push for measures that would create an Alabama gazelle preserve near Carbon Hill, and take noticeably fewer jobs at two-year colleges.
This ad is feared by many (as in the only) in Carbon Hill as the crocodile’s ploy to eat more West Alabamians until he can secure the gazelle preserve in next year’s session. Any effort to touch his head will result in the crocodile breaking his lizard glamour and ferociously eating the unsuspecting but somehow not totally creeped out person lacking the sufficient amount of shame in order to consider petting an older male gentleman’s bald-assed head.
He also likes to eat illegal immigrants.