Things that people who are better than you worthless lessers have been reading.
-ThyssenKrupp, the German company that Alabama tossed millions at to build its steel plant in Mobile County, is considering selling that steel plant because it loses a lot of money. State leaders’ immediate response was to dial the nearest European manufacturer on FaceTime and press their genitals to the camera as directed, no matter how bizarre and tawdry.
-Oh my God Coffee County has a grant for a tire recycling program that the private sector cannot sustain because that’s how government works but holy crap its really somehow like Solyndra (really! Solyndra!) because they are “Alabama’s most out of control County Commission.” #FreeElba
-First of all, God-less liberal lesser press, the correct term is and always will be “chicken combat”—if we lose our trademark on the Edible Confederate Flags, we will fuck you up. Second of all, as owners of a maker of chicken combat implements and training videos, we will stand once again in the way of those who would force koala-man marriage upon us and penalize America’s third grandest and most noble animal bloodsport (behind manatee fights and hog-dog rodeos) into nonexistence in Alabama. And if you don’t believe us, our side has hired Ken Guin as lobbyist—and a crocodile ate and replaced the real Ken Guin three years ago. Try convincing one of nature’s most brutal reptilian death machines that your cause is viable, rooster-coddlers!
-Left in Alabama humors us all by not only somewhat pretending that Mo Brooks will lose AL-05, but that a black Huntsville City Councilman could win the congressional district housing the Land of Olive Garden-Consuming Carpetbagger Whitey that is Madison County.
-Heaven may think it has hired the best football coach in Joe Paterno, but that assumption overlooks the strength of Hell after Bear Bryant has been recruiting for them without NCAA or moral restrictions for more than thirty years.
