June 27, 2012
Assistant Campaign Manager for Press and Communications Efforts
CARTER COCKFIGHT CAMPAIGN RETRACTS PREVIOUS APOLOGY, PROMISES TO CONTINUE SHITTING ON PEOPLE IN PUBLIC AMID DONOR RESPONSE
Says that Charlotte reporter has not ‘seen the last of [his] asshole’s vengeance’
CHARLOTTE, NC — Carter Cockfight today promised to “shit on every reporter, liberal, and son of a bitch in the United States of America” after receiving several hundred thousand dollars in donations after he took the freedom-preserving step Tuesday of defecating on the face of an America-hating liberal newspaper reporter in Charlotte.
Carter has retracted any apology his campaign may have issued to the reporter and plans to sue the reporter for harassment. He now will violently fight any criminal charges as an infringement of his constitutional right to aim and fire his stinking anal poop gun at any person or entity who displeases those who may support him in any way.
Just like Americans want out of a presidential candidate.
“Carter Cockfight’s asshole is the fresh voice that Americans have been waiting for,” said Dale Glucker, Carter’s campaign spokesman. “The donations say it loud and clear: At this point in the campaign, all Americans and the media are willing to follow is who is shitting on whom the most and the loudest.
“And I think I speak our candidate, the patriot that he is, when I say that this campaign has a brown diaper full of spaghetti sauce on this country’s enemies’ heads.”