June 6, 2012
Assistant Campaign Manager for Press and Communications Efforts
CARTER COCKFIGHT DEMANDS MEDIA FINALLY SHOW RESPONSIBILITY, COVER REAL ISSUES LIKE THOSE EXCLUSIVELY POSED BY HIS CAMPAIGN
HOOVER, AL — Presidential candidate Carter Cockfight today criticized the negligence and irresponsibility of the liberal, immigrant-harboring media after they failed to report on his campaign kickoff in Hoover, Alabama yesterday.
The event, held when Galleria Mall security employees were properly paid off yesterday afternoon, attracted a significant crowd in the thirties. A fun time was had by all following a performance by anti-immigrant Christian rap group Heav-N Not 4 Every 1 played their hit “Christ Doesn’t See Brown (In His Town)” and young Antijewhitler Campbell, 8, of a survivalist camp in Northeast Alabama, won the “greased pig-migrant chase,” getting a first bite of the late pig known as Piguel at the campaign’s BBQ dinner in parking lot of a Chipotle restaurant across the street after police arrived. Additionally, all were moved—especially police who agreed that Mexicans are bad—when Carter made his stirring speech about why getting rid of all the immigrants will fix all of America’s problems.
Yet, absent from all the coverage was the liberal, white American hating media, who clearly were probably off in Massachusetts covering a gay marriage funded by food stamps between an illegal Mexican immigrant who has taken twenty American jobs and one of Barack Hussein Obama’s secret Kenyan brother.
“Clearly, The Birmingham No-News, ABC 33/Rape, and all the other liberal medias did not do their jobs yesterday,” said Dale Glucker, Carter 2012 spokesman, who is totally not quoting himself in a press release he is actually writing himself. Continue reading