Each week King Cockfight will channel his years of occasionally sober political consulting expertise into assembling the hottest questions and views that Alabamian and lesser-American political leaders will face in the coming week into a helpful digest written simply enough that even the most pitiful of lessers who believe themselves to be political wonks can read it and be enlightened as they continue to live out unremarkable, unfulfilling lives.
FUCK YOU LEGAL JOB SAVIOR: With the arrest of a Mercedes executive for not looking legal enough of a foreign person last week, will Alabama finally crack down its job-killing problem of allowing influential automaker executives who help create jobs here wander the state freely?
Pretty easily: How sharply does looking around and realizing that people who may have stopped looking to work are more than likely the cause of Alabama’s dropoff in unemployment instead of its worthless “Let’s get rid of the brown people” law?
Smart scheduling: After pairing the Jerry Sandusky interview with Gov. Dr. Dr. Robert “I don’t know anything about economic harm, but I’m told these brown people are bad for money so they gots to go!” Bentley Dr.’s first national TV chat about the immigration law, could NBC soon pair Rock Center with Whitney to create the Awful People Monday programming block?
“Jabo… That ain’t an American name!”: Can Scott Beason maintain his support in the Republican party with allegations that a potential immigrant took his job in the Senate?
More economic hardship goes well with this other economic hardship: How many were impressed with the Governor’s ability to spew out bullshit when alerted to the fact that Alabama’s immigration law will make its economic troubles worse?
Hate week: On the eve of a monumental Iron Bowl, will Alabama be able to not look ahead to a potential BCS title game berth, and will Auburn stop fucking goats in a field while their sister-cousin watches on because that is what she thinks “reading” is?
That’s what Pat Toomey gets for not putting out: More effective than the present Congress: Bratty six-year-olds trying to decide who gets to play with a toy first, or a two-legged cat trying to dig a hole in which to shit?
And then they heard him talk: Who will be the next Republican flavor of the month after we all move on from massive douche Newt Gingrich?
Headlines from this past weekend’s papers
The Birmingham News: “Editorial: Enjoy Your Thanksgiving with Your Family, Because John Archibald Won’t After We Sacrificed Him to the Feral Dogs that Rule Downtown Birmingham So We Could Leave Early on Wednesday”
Mobile Press-Register: “Teaching Dolphins to Stop Laughing and Start Saying ‘Mobile is Great’: The Dream Still Lives, USA Scientists Say”
Montgomery Advertiser: “Prattville City Leaders Learn What Other People Call ‘Black Friday’”